He Walks And A Few Other Things

 As much as I have dreaded this day, I am actually happy to announce that Hagen walks.  He has been toddling around for a few weeks now and it is the most adorable thing in the world. He is fairly wobbly still but can cruise all around.  He is so proud of himself too and just giggles all the time.  I find just a touch more joy in his developmental milestones than I did with the other kids, I feel like he is more "normal" all the time. However I have been a bit worried about his speech.  With visual impairments, speech is one thing that usually is delayed because they can't see your mouth movements clearly enough to copy them.  The poor kid, we get right in his face to talk to him and make sounds. He will sometimes mimmick a sound but not as much as I think he should be.  The other day I voiced my concerns on this to Weston, and he said, "What are you talking about, he is just fine, he speaks fluent Russian for crying out loud." I laughed, because honestly the noises he makes sound more like Russian than English.  I may be a little paranoid, but we will definitely be working a lot on his speech in the next little while.

 We have been enjoying lots of sunshine the last few days and we take full advantage of it.  Hagen LOVES to be outside and spends a lot of time on the fenced in deck where he can watch the kids play.  (And Yes I have been remembering to liberally apply the sunscreen!)

 

Cole's imagination has been a work once again.  Grandma Crapo gave him the most wonderful gift, a cardboard box! He was so excited and spent hours building himself a pony cart.  He even hitched up his stuffed horses and sat in that thing all day.  When just sitting there started getting boring he used the scraps of cardboard to make a spear, sword and knife. I love how he can entertain himself for hours with the simplest of things.

 

One last thing, I just have to say that we have the best neighbors in the world! Seriously I know that is true because my baby prefers Jaylynn and Jalyssa over me ALL the time.  Hagen had gotten shots a few weeks ago and was super grumpy and fevered. I had tried a million things to comfort this boy and Jalyssa walked in the door and he held his arms out for her and was instantly happier.  I am so grateful to have a bunch of kids that are willing and able to babysit or help me out with lots of other stuff any time I need.

Relief... I am not the only overprotective, anxiety filled lunatic!

I have a good friend who I have never actually met. We bumped into each other a few months back in the blogging world while she was searching for information on the rare condition of Ocular Albinism that our infant son's share.  I have found myself slightly obsessed with her blog and the things she writes about.  While her life and world are in stark contrast to mine, some of the deep thoughts and feelings of her heart match mine exactly.  Maybe all of us as mothers have these same thoughts and feelings, but I have always felt so individual in them until now.  In this post Melissa was obviously reading my mind because she explained in such great words how I feel as a mother. 

I hate leaving my kids with a babysitter, even relatives.  Not because they don't love them and take great care of them, because they truly do, but because I am crazy. I would rather wrestle three kids at the grocery store or doctor's office then leave them home. What if there were an accident while I was away? Would I ever forgive the care taker?   The thought of someone else driving with my children in the car sends me into a frantic anxiety fit.  I continually have nightmares of tragic accidents occurring and if someone coughs I am sure they are choking to death. I check on my kids in their beds multiple times in the night. Friends and family talk of going on fun vacations and leaving their kids home and while I don't judge them for this I actually envy them, the idea of leaving the kids for a week let alone a night sounds painfully sleepless. If Weston ever brings up the idea of going someone for one reason or another and leaving the kids for a night, I find myself searching for reasons why we can't go. I am ridiculous I realize, but until now I honestly thought I was the only person that had these thoughts and strange behaviors.

So as I take on another day and "swallow that familiar anxiety lump in my throat" I am grateful to Melissa whom I have never met for making me realize that maybe I am not such a wierdo after all.  Life happens, and while we do the best we can to protect our babies, we can't always control life.

Maybe a little Impulsive

 I have been wanting a change for quite some time now, the change I really wanted was to drop 20 pounds but since my will power is a little lacking I settled for a much easier change. Or is it easier? After a lifetime of long locks I let my hairdressers "assistant", talk me into a major butch. She had recently chopped her hair and was gushing over how much she loved it, how it only took a few minutes to dry and style and how I too would love shorter hair. After an hour, literally, she had me convinced.  Now I realize this tacky self portrait does not reveal the true state of this cut, it does give you an idea.  I actually really like the front of it, the back however is a whole different story.  As far as easy, not so much! I did have it dried within a couple minutes compared to my old 20-25, but the actual straightening and styling is going to take some practice! Weston is out of town and has yet to see me, and I am a little nervous since my brother-in-law told me that I "instantly lost my "hot" factor". (I take it that must mean I used to at least have a hot factor in his book) Compliment? not so much, but I will take it! Kallie also had a "nice" comment for me saying "it's a good thing your hair grows fast"! Oh well, it is just hair right? Nine inches will only take a year or two to grow back! As for me, one day into it, I think I probably look better with long hair but the change does feel good. Even if it was the easy change!

Hagey Paygs Turns One

 Hagen had his first birthday. I am usually so excited about the kids birthdays, it is so fun to see them get excited and to anticipate the next phase of their life.  For the first time I didn't experience any of those good feelings. In fact a dark knot began to develop in the pit of my stomach as the big day neared.  I don't know if it is the fact that chances are I will only get to experience a baby's first year one more time, if that. Or if it is that Hagen being the third child, now I KNOW just how fast time goes by. I can't stomach the thought of him heading off to school. I don't need to be excited about the next phase, I know what it is.  I want him just the way he is (maybe minus the sleepless nights) for awhile longer. I haven't got enough of him being a baby just yet. Enough of my sob story, onto the big event!

 We had the grandparents over for Chiz's and cake and ice cream. Have I ever mentioned how awesome it is that Weston and I's parents are good friends and have been for years? It sure makes get together's fun and stress free! Hagen was getting tired by the time smash cake time came around. He wasn't nearly as excited as the big kids, but he didn't disappoint!

 He was having a blast playing in is cake, until he whacked himself in the forehead with that butter knife that he insisted on holding. Then the tears came and it was game over!

 After a quick bath in the sink and a cracker for some added happiness, it was time for a  few presents! (This is the little head tilt thing he does because of his vision impairment.  He does this when he is really studying something. It is pretty darn cute!)

 Hagen was overjoyed by the little ride-on toy from G&G Crapo and I was overjoyed by the giant box of diapers from G&G Angell! The kids got Hagen some new bath toys and told me a was a bad mom for scheduling a photo shoot for Hagen's gift! (Seriously people you can only get away with that on the first birthday and I was taking advantage of that)

I had to snap a shot with each set of Grandparents, and yes I realize my pictures could use a little red eye editing. I may get around to that a little later:)

Nanny McPhee and the New Baby

 This is my daughter Nanny McPhee.  She had this stellar tooth dangling by a thread for over a week. She refused to pull it out for fear we would laugh! (which we did, cuz it was just so darn adorable!) She had this great trick she could do with her tooth, but poking it out of her closed lips she really mirrored Nanny McPhee to a T! (And look at that I can rhyme!)

 My sister Chelsey gave birth to this GORGEOUS baby girl named Raegan. We cannot get enough.  My older sister Misti also had a beautiful baby girl they named Bentley.  We, mostly me, smother these two babes! I am truthfully a bit jealous.  The girls a sweet, tiny, quiet and immobile:) They cuddle and smell divine. Now don't get me wrong, I adore my now one year old but there is just something about a newborn that tugs at my heartstrings.  While I chase (literally people) a toddler, my sisters are enjoying the sweet calm a newborn brings.  On the bright side, one year from now they will have the out of control one year olds and hopefully I will be nestling into an easy routine with a two-year old! (That is assuming Mr. Hagen will follow the two older kids behavior patterns:)

An Un-Ferdette-able Weekend!

 Mr. Hagen Man had his eye appointment in SLC one weekend in January.  We were excited to take him down and learn more about his eyes.  We were even more excited when we scored some sweet, Jazz vs. Jimmer tickets for that same weekend.  We left early Friday morning and headed to SLC, with just one "quick" stop in Malad to purchase a few bulls. (It is never a trip to the big city with Weston unless we have a KSL, or ranching purchase to look at) Hagen was so good in the car, he slept almost the whole time. We put him in a forward facing carseat for the first time thinking that maybe he would like to watch a movie while he was awake.  He didn't so much like it, I honestly don't think he can see the picture very well. 

His appointment went well, the Dr. told us he is textbook Ocular Albinism.  We have been excited because we really think he sees pretty well, which he actually does.  His condition is not degenerative, however when babies are small their brains grow and change so rapidly that it is difficult to tell what his vision will be.  Even though he sees pretty well now, that may not be the case in 4-5 years.  Even so, we are confident that he will survive just fine:) We really didn't learn anything new, but were instructed to bring him back in six months.  He will be seen in SLC every six months and in Rexburg every six months, so he gets a pretty thorough check quarterly.  This will be the case until he goes to school and then we will see from there. 

 After Hagen's appointment, we had some more KSL purchases to make:) and then we got some take out and went to our hotel.  I was excited about having a really nice sit down dinner but by that point the wild animal portion of my 12 month old had risen to the surface and I realized that that was out of the question.  I mean honestly what restaurant allows unleashed baby racoons in? As cute as our boy is, he is just not public broke yet!

 Saturday, after a morning of fruitless shopping (I really need church clothes, where do you people get them?) we picked up these two love birds and toted them along to do a little more shopping, dinner and then the game.  They were lots f fun to hang out with and provided us with a lot of laughs. We were pretty early to the game and by the time is started Hagen was tired and had had enough.  I was shocked when fell asleep in my arms, but some CRAZY Jimmer fans behind us woke him up with their hooping and hollering every time Jimmer touched the ball.  Lucky enough he fell back asleep in between each time! All in all it was a great weekend except the part where we drove home in the middle of the night!

My Boys

These two boys are truly a joy to my life.  We have so much fun together during the day while Kallie is at school (not that we don't love her, we do) but I think this time with the boys is special.  Cole is so imaginative and fun these days.  He is smart as a whip and very creative.  He really likes to watch T.V. so I have to monitor closely or he sneaks off to the tube.  When he plays though, he really plays.  He created a sled to ride down the stairs recently and his newest invention was a punching bag.  His very favorite thing to play with is string or ropes.  In fact we were at KMart the other day and they had a big spool of nylon string and he wanted it so bad, I told him no but he is now asking for it for his birthday.  Cole sets booby traps all over the house too, string mazes and different traps.  The other day I heard a loud thud and then Hagen screaming.  I ran in the living room and Cole had this huge grin on his face. "My booby trap really worked mom!" Indeed it had, he had cut a hole in the top of a box and then set the cut out piece back in so it looked like it was still attached. Hagen had climbed right up onto the box and fell right through.  Cole felt bad that Hagen was hurt but was so excited that he trap actually worked!